Walking in the Truth: Notes from Sunday School

These notes and reflective thoughts are first intended for members of our Friends and Family Sunday School class to stay connected with God through studying His Word in the event of absence from actual Sunday School worship time, and secondly, for everyone, for the scripture and words below are beneficial for a broader readership. The ideas and flow of the lesson comes out of Life Way's Master Work Series. Please provide comments below to participate in the discussion. Add your own thoughts and reflections.

Since this blog series is entitled Walking in the Truth, I thought it relevant to share an entry from pastor James MacDonald's (whose preaching and radio ministry has been a blessing to me for a number of years) blog, Straight Up. Walking in the Truth means loving God's Word, obeying it, and reflecting it to my family, friends, and neighbors. I link to his blog as an additional spiritual treat this week, but also to remind us that God's Word is our life, meant to be hidden in our heart, to bring glory to Him.

Now, here are the notes and and reflections from this past Sunday's lesson on Marriage, the matrix of Christian Hedonism.

How does the world view marriage? It is assuredly 100% antithetical to the biblical portrait of God's design and purpose for marriage. Today, many Christian marriages do not look all that different than the marriages of nonbelievers. Marriage by and large has become a matter of convenience; vows are flippantly recited in marriage ceremonies. Roles of husbands and wives have become distorted and twisted and many believers have grossly misinterpreted the writings of Paul and Peter on this subject. Fay Angus offers the "Four D's of Marriage": "Depression, despair, drink, and divorce." Ms. Angus has clearly not seen the desire of God's heart. Chuck Swindoll wrote that the world views marriage like the sign on Ken Stabler's boat: "Get in, sit down, shut up, hang on." This vision of marriage is tragic; far from the truth of God's Word on the sanctity of this institution.

I never want to minimize marriage, but I see marriage summed up in one phrase: "One Flesh." Genesis 2:24 states: "For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh" (also quoted in Ephesians 5:31).

The Bible speaks of harmony, unity, joining, and cleaving. In the original language the Hebrew word for "cleaving" is translated "glue". So, the portrait here is marriage in essence is two people who "stick together," not two people who are "stuck with one another." Listen to this beautiful illustration offered by Dr. Piper in his book, Desiring God:

"A different kind of unity is enjoyed by the joining of diverse counterparts than is enjoyed by joining two things just alike. When we all sing the same melody line, it is called unison, which means 'one sound.' But when we unite diverse lines of soprano and alto and tenor and bass, we call it harmony; and everyone who has an ear to hear knows that something deeper in us is touched by great harmony than by mere unison."

What a beautiful picture of marriage and the marriage relationship. So, with my bride, I would so much rather be waltzing in harmony than stepping in unison. Dr. Dwight Hervey Small explains, "It is humbling to the woman to know that she was created for the man, but it is for her glory to know that she alone can complete him. Likewise, it is humbling to the man to know that he is incomplete without a woman, but it is to his glory that the woman was created for him" (qtd in Warren Wiersbe, Life Sentences 28-29). In 1 Peter 3:7, Paul calls marriage and this kind of relationship between men and women the "grace of life."

Now to our focus passage. Let's read Ephesians 5:25-30 together: Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body.

Notice vv 28-29. What does Paul mean when he says husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies . . .loving his wife as he loves himself." ? That sounds hedonistic, doesn't it? But Piper explores this passage from the perspective of Christian Hedonism. He writes, "love is the pursuit of our joy in the holy joy of the beloved" (206). Doesn't that seem self seeking? "Selfishness," Dr. Piper continues, "seeks its own private happiness at the expense of others, [whereas] love seeks its happiness in the happiness of the beloved" (207). Here is Christian Hedonism defined again in context of this passage in case we have forgotten: According to vv. 28-29 of Ephesians, "Husbands should devote the same energy and time and creativity to making their wives happy that they devote naturally to making themselves happy. The result will be that in doing this, they will make themselves happy" (209).

This verse gives commentary on Matthew 7:12: In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you, for this is the Law and the Prophets. This verse formulates the foundation of goodness and mercy--the kind of love God demonstrates to us everyday, the kind of love we should demonstrate to our circle of influence everyday. This I am sure is what Paul meant by "grace of life." What would like most from your spouse (or friend/family member)? Let me share mine, and this is definitely not to say that I am not receiving these things from her: respect, love, understanding, acceptance of who I am. So, in turn, I must (not when I feel like, or maybe, or only if she gives this to me in return--but must) show her respect, love, understanding, and acceptance. As husbands and wives, we will be Golden if we follow this Rule. Reflect on these questions: Are we more likely to apply the words of Christ in Matthew 7:12 at home or outside of the home? Why? Now this one: Why must our homes be the place we most strive to love others as we love ourselves? Spend time praying through that. If you find yourself willing to show others outside your home more love and acceptance and understanding than your spouse or children, then take it to the cross.

Let's turn our attention to Ephesians 5:31-33: FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband. Is this mystery the fact that God has called to very diverse individuals to be "joined" as "one flesh." That sounds remarkable and only an act God can accomplish through is goodness and grace, but Paul calls it a mystery. He gives us a hint in v. 32 when he writes, but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Question: Which came first, the marriage relationship between man and woman or the relationship between Christ and the Church? Dr. Piper responds: "The mystery is this: God did not create the union of Christ and the church after the pattern of human marriage--just the reverse! He created human marriage on the pattern of Christ's relation to the church" (213).

Look back at v. 31: See it? "One flesh". In Ephesians 1:22-23, we read And He put all things in subjection under His feet, and gave Him as head over all things to the church, which is His body, the fullness of Him who fills all in all. He is "head" of the "body" (the church). By faith a person is “joined” to Jesus Christ, thus we become one with all believers (Galatians 3:28). So Paul sees that husbands and wives become "one flesh" and that Christ and the church become "one body". For the Christian marriage is to be loving, holy, pure, self-sacrificing and mutually submissive because those virtues characterize the relationship of Christ and the church. So, why is it important that we joyfully fulfill our roles in marriage? Simple, we are copying and reflecting the relationship God intended for Christ and the church.

According to Ephesians 5:22-33, we have specific roles and specific role models that create the harmony of marriage. Let's begin with the wives. Read closely vv. 22-24: Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. So, what is the role of the wife? To submit, to be subject to their husbands.

This reminds of the story told by Charles Swindoll: "A couple went to a two day conference on marriage; one of those speakers just hammered away at the wife on being in submission to her husband; the woman's husband was drinking it in, wanting to stay late and get everything this speaker had to say; when they got home, walking inside, the husband closed the door and said, 'I want to get something straight with you right now. From now on, that is the way things are going to be. You got that? You submit to me.'" He didn’t see her for two weeks. At the beginning of the third week he could begin to see her out of one eye.

We laugh at stories like this--perhaps they ring true. At times, husbands seem to focus on the "submission of wives," but they skip over what Ephesians 5:21 says: be subject to one another in the feat of Christ. Or what Peter writes in 1 Peter 3:7: You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way. In what same way? In a submissive way (Ephesians 5:21). John MacArthur explains in his note n 1 Peter 3:7 in the MacArthur Study Bible, that the husband is equally responsible to submit, but not the wife as leader but lovingly submitting by "being sensitive to the needs, fears, and feelings of his wife." "Be subject" in Ephesians 5:22 was not in the original, but the meaning is carried over from v. 21: Be subject to one another in the fear of Christ (and as a first example) wives to your husbands; the original Greek emphasizes the willing submitting of oneself--a voluntary response. The submission is not the husband’s to command but for the wife to willingly and lovingly offer. John MacArthur writes in his study on Ephesians: "A husband is not to treat his wife as a servant or a child, but as an equal for whom God has given him care and responsibility for provision and protection" (281). We are only slaves to Christ, not to one another.

I love this. Notice that it says in Ephesians 5:22 that wives are to be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. Look again, own husbands. This limits her submission to one man God has placed over her but gives balancing emphasis that he is hers as an intimate possession--she submits to the man she possesses as her own.

Ray Stedman, in his book on Ephesians, tells a relevant story: "A Woman approached me with an insightful question: 'Does Ephesians 5:22-23 mean that my submission to my husband is a gauge of the degree to which I am submitted to Christ?' 'Yes, it is exactly that,' I replied. 'Well then, my submission to my husband is not some sort of gift that I give my husband, that he should feel indebted to me for. Nor should I use my submission to him as some sort of manipulation or blackmail. I can’t say to my husband: ‘I submitted to you, now you have to do such and such for me.’ Nor can I say to God, ‘I submitted myself to my husband so you have to produce certain results in my life.' No! If I submit to my husband as unto the Lord, I should not care what the results are; that is up to my husband and to God.'"

Stedman exclaimed in the book. “She got it.”

Who is the wife’s role model? Verses 23-24 gives us a clue. The church. How does the church submit to Christ? The body recognizes Christ's headship; we surrender to His Lordship; we obey His word; we walk uprightly, honestly, and righteously. In that vein, the wife’s submission is based on His headship and the headship of the man in the family. What is the relationship to the head and the body? The head leads, guides, nourishes. Therefore, husbands are called by God to take the primary responsibility for Christlike servant leadership and protection and provision in the home. What are specific was wives can honor and affirm their husband’s leadership? 1 Peter 3:1-6 states that it is with humility, love, moral purity, kindness, and respect. The consequences of such willing and loving submission, MacArthur writes, is a wife who is "an honor to her Lord, her husband, her family, her church, and herself" (The MacArthur New Testament Commentary on Ephesians 288)

Return to verses 25-33. What is the husband’s role and role model? The husband’s primary submission to his wife is through his love for her. The apostles clearly say that it is a boundless kind of love. Look closely at verses 25-30. Identify the verbs Paul uses to describe Christ’s commitment to His bride: "love," "gave," "sanctify," "cleansed." What does this say about the Husband’s responsibility in marriage?. Verse 25 commands, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her." Dr. Piper comments on this passage by saying, "If the husband is the head of the wife" (v. 23), than he is to primarily lead out in "the kind of love that is willing to die to give her life" (Desiring God 217)

God commands us to love as He loved, right? MacArthur says, “loving as Christ loves does not depend in the least on what others are in themselves, but entirely on what we are in Christ (New Testament Commentary on Ephesians 297).

Read carefully these words from MacArthur: "The Christian who loves because of what other people may do for him or because they are attractive does not love as God loves. The husband who loves his wife only because of her practical attractiveness or pleasing temperament does not love as Christ loved the church. The husband who loves his wife for what she can give him loves as the world loves, not as Christ loves. The husband who loves his wife as Christ loves His church gives everything he has for his wife, including his life necessary. If a loving husband is willing to sacrifice his life for his wife, her is certainly willing to make lesser sacrifices for her. He puts his own likes, desires, opinions, preferences, and welfare aside if that is required to please her and meet her needs. He dies to self in order to live for his wife, because that is what Christ's kind of love demands" (298)

We are to love with not only a sacrificial love but a purifying love as well (v. 26-27), protecting our wives from defilement, protecting her holiness, virtue and purity, protecting her from the world’s contamination, never inducing her to do that which is wrong or unwise or expose her to that which is less than good (MacArthur, New Testament Commentary 300). Look at vv. 28-30. How do we nourish and cherish our wives? When she needs strength, we give her strength; when she needs encouragement, we offer her encouragement, to provide for her needs, to help her grow and mature in favor with God, to provide tender love, understanding, consideration, sensitivity, to give her warmth and comfort, protection and security.

Dr. Piper says that "If you want to be a Christian husband, you become a servant, not a boss" (217). So what does Christlike leadership look like? Dr. Piper continues: "You [speaking to husbands directly] should feel the greater responsibility to take the lead in the things of t he Spirit; you should lead the family in a life of prayer, in the study of God's Word, and in worship; you should lead in giving the family a vision of its meaning and mission; you should take the lead in shaping the moral fabric of the home and in governing its happy peace" (218). There use to be famous cigarette billboard pictures of a curly headed, bronze-faced, muscular macho with a cigarette hanging from his mouth. The caption read "Where a man belongs." Society teaches this, and at the same time perpetuates a lie. This is not the biblical portrait of a man. Where a man belongs is at the bedside of his children leading devotions; with his family serving together, worshiping together; up early with God, kneeling, confessing, seeking. That is the role of the man in general, and husband specifically.

I close with these final two passages:

Matthew Henry wrote, "the woman was not made our of his head head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and hear his heart to be beloved" (qtd. in Warren Wiersbe, Life Sentences 28). Now, this sums up beautifully the role of the husband in marriage and the spiritual harmony in the marriage relationship

A Prayer for Married Couples written by Bishop Slattery, soon after his marriage, to be used each day in their family devotions at home in Boston, Massachusetts. I pray this prayer be blessing to you and your spouse.

O God, our Heavenly Father, protect and bless us. Deepen and
strengthen our love for each other day by day. Grant that by Thy
mercy neither of us ever say one unkind word to the other.
Forgive and correct our faults, and make us constantly to forgive
one another should one of us unconsciously hurt the other. Make
us and keep us sound and well in body, alert in mind, tender in
heart, devout in spirit. O Lord, grant us each to rise to the
other's best. Then we pray Thee add to our common life such
virtues as only Thou canst give. And so, O Father, consecrate
our life and our love completely to Thy worship, and to the
service of all about us, especially those whom Thou has appointed
us to serve, that we may always stand before Thee in happiness
and peace; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.